On Tuesday, the Patriots signed cornerback E.J. Biggers. At first glance, the move seems to be a fairly inconsequential one, the type of transaction that doesn’t even appear on ESPN’s scroller at the bottom of the TV.
This move does matter, though, and let me tell you why: Because E.J. Biggers is one of the worst professional football players to ever live, and the fact that he is still bouncing around the NFL confuses me more than fax machines (HOW DOES THE PAPER GO IN ONE MACHINE THEN SHOW UP SOMEWHERE ELSE? HOW!?).
Upon finding out the Bigger news and firing off a harsh tweet about it that related to his overall suckiness as a Redskin (he played for the team in 2013 and 2014), I felt inspired to come up with a list ranking some of the crappiest Burgundy and Gold players I’ve seen in my time as a fan (which began roughly back in 2005. So, sorry for those who were forced to endure terrible ‘Skins from seasons before that, because I’ll probably leave them out of this post).
That is why we’re here, standing atop a list of 10 truly awful football players that brought their awfulness to DC at one point or another. Luckily, the Redskins look like they’re beginning to be a competent franchise, so we hopefully won’t be subjected to guys like this moving forward. But it hasn’t always been like that with this team, and the following names are the best proof of that… Read More
Monopoly takes too long. Checkers is for old people. Chess is for older people. I don’t get Backgammon. Shoots & Ladders sucks. The list goes on and on.
Thankfully, on Tuesday, Redskins cornerback Bashaud Breeland came out with a new board game: BREE-LAND.
OK, well, Bashaud didn’t team up with Mattel and actually create America’s next new board game. But he did Instagram a picture of a place from Lord of the Rings that’s called BREE-LAND, and it kinda looks like it’d be a dope board game, so that’s why we’re here, making up rules for a board game that doesn’t really exist.
However, because Bashaud Breeland is awesome, and because I don’t have class on Wednesdays until 7 o’clock, this is how I’m choosing to spend my time. So, if Bashaud’s “BREE-LAND” was in fact an actual board game, these would be seven key rules… Read More
The On Demand feature of my television boasts about its ability to offer me hundreds of shows. That’s great On Demand. Congratulations. But I don’t care. 99% of those shows are irrelevant to me.
The only one that matters is ABC’s Shark Tank. And maybe Flip or Flop. But mostly Shark Tank.
The program — featuring millionaire and billionaire investors such as Mark Cuban and Kevin O’Leary — is extremely formulaic, yet it’s never boring. Every episode gives four entrepreneurs the chance to present their product, whatever it may be, to the Sharks in hopes of securing some money that’ll in turn advance their product’s ascent in whatever market it’s in.
It’s one of those shows that sounds boring, but isn’t. It’s riveting. And, as someone who has watched tons and tons of it and has tons and tons of thoughts on it, I’m going to use this space, which is typically only reserved for observations about DC sports, as a platform to voice all those thoughts.
Here they are. Don’t “go out” before reading them all. Read More
A member of the 2012 draft class may very well leave D.C. this offseason, move on to another franchise, and try to rejuvenate his career in a new offense. If he does, it will have come after four fun, productive seasons, two playoff berths, and a long list of memories.
No, this isn’t a goodbye to Robert Griffin III. This is a goodbye to Alfred Morris. Read More
When you log onto NBA.com, you don’t see jerseys for the second string point guard who averages 12 minutes a night and scores six points a game. Fans of football aren’t clamoring for the autograph of the emergency quarterback (well, except for this guy, maybe). And in baseball, no one gets excited when the backup right fielder gets a start over the All-Star.
With that being said, these second stringers, these backups, and these role players are still important. Because, while they don’t get a chance to deliver night in and night out like the big-names, they still come up with a memorable play every now and then, or stick around for a few years and become entrenched on our favorite teams. They’re the guys who have to work a little harder to make the roster and stay on the roster, the guys we see on the bench throughout a season, and the guys who make D.C. their home, even if it’s just for a little bit. Read More
Sometimes, he seems in over his head. Sometimes, he does things I really don’t agree with. But after a very rocky start, Jay Gruden’s time in DC has taken a turn for the better, and for a guy that I really, really like, I couldn’t be happier for him.
Truth be told, when Washington chose to hire the former Bengals offensive coordinator to be their new leader last offseason, I, like many, was incredibly skeptical. And as the team floundered in his first go-round on the job — and as he struggled with clock management, had no idea how to handle the media, and ruined his relationship with Robert Griffin III — I prepared myself for a rough 2015 followed by Dan Snyder pulling the plug on yet another failed hire.
But things have been different in Gruden’s sophomore campaign. The Burgundy and Gold have looked competent for most of the year, which is a massive step forward from their disastrous 2014, and at times, have even looked like a *gasp* contender. And now, after a big win against the Giants and ahead of an even more crucial Monday Night matchup with the Cowboys, I think it’s time to give Jay some credit. Read More
This Sunday, the Redskins are playing the Patriots. Here are a bunch of simple reasons why this game probably won’t end well for Washington:
It’s on the road, and Jay Gruden is 1-10 career as a head coach on the road.
It’s after a bye, and in the past handful of years, the Redskins are significantly worse in the part of their schedule that’s post-bye than pre-bye.
The Patriots have Tom Brady.
The Patriots have Rob Gronkowski.
The Patriots have Bill Belichick.
The Redskins do not have Tom Brady, Rob Gronkowski, or Bill Belichick.
Kirk Cousins didn’t throw a pick last time out against Tampa Bay, so that means he’s due for like seven this week.
With all that being said, after all those reasons that indicate the Patriots will coast to another victory over their inferior opponent, there are three statistical areas where the Burgundy and Gold are actually better than the defending Super Bowl champions, categories that should provide fans with a sliver of hope. Let me show them to you. Read More
In the world of Redskins Twitter, sadness usually reigns supreme. There are locker room leaks, anonymously sourced reports, and tons of awful screenshots sent out on the social media platform throughout every season that are meant to capture just how putrid D.C.’s football team is.
But ever since the summer of 2013, there’s been one source of humor, light, and comedy, a man who sets out each day to bring a bit of joy to an otherwise dark, dark world, a someone who fills an important void in a normally desolate wasteland. Interestingly enough, he also just so happens to run an account that boasts the name of the player who’s been responsible for much of the chaos surrounding Washington’s franchise.